I will fall asleep 13 more times before I am a student. About an hour ago, Hailie asked me if I was more nervous or excited.
I am at a point that I am trying not to think about it. I am literally terrified of all the changes that are about to take place. Petrified. What if I'm terrible at this? What if it doesn't ever make sense? What if this doesn't make me happy? Am I making a mistake?
I'm trying to focus on breaking down my life into a few categories. The things I feel I have to do, and the things I want to do. Breaking it down further, of the things I feel I have to do, how many of those are based on my perception of what I think others expect of me, and how many are those I actually need to do in order to further myself or my relationship with Hailie? Of the things I want, which ones am I actually building goals around, and which ones serve as an ideal or as an abstract idea of perfection?
Recognizing and prioritizing these will prove to be invaluable in the coming weeks, After looking at our budget, I don't know how the rest of 2015 is going to look. Rice is certainly in the future, but I have to think of it as the next chapter in a book that has been split into a multi-volume set. If I can weather the rest of this year, New Year's 2016 will be a brand new start.
I realized something after working out today. Progress is not seeing the result overnight. But realizing that I've gone from 10 pushups in 90 seconds when I started the blog, to 25 pushups in 30 seconds makes me see that progress is happening. This is getting me pumped. I just want to keep pushing forward. It may be another three months before I notice any more results with working out, but three months from now I will have also been going to school for 10 weeks. If I'm still half as terrified as I am today, all I will need to do is look back and recognize one thing.