A small step starts the path
I'm terrible at cutting hair. But I'm better at it than I was a week ago. Today was my first real stab at something, and I didn't do great, but things are starting to click. I got one last cut out of my mannequin today and turned her into him.
Hailie has been incredibly supportive too. She's been letting me practice parting and braiding so I can build finger and hand dexterity and be a little bit more efficient. I don't like where I'm at, but I know that time will come.
But in all seriousness, I want it now. They say "you're your own worst critic" and I know how bad I suck now. I want to be better, and I don't want anything to get in my way.
Yesterday we were working on finger waves. Now before I get too far into this story, let me tell you this much. Finger waves are a sonofabitch. My mind can grasp what the instructor is showing me (flawlessly, might I add) and it makes sense. But as soon as my brain tells my body what to do, my body screams back "We were absent that day of gym." Not having built up specific muscle memory, and having to learn from error is terrifying. I will be cutting people's hair in two weeks. Real live people who can get pissed off at a job done poorly.
So this is my motivation, put in the most plain terms I can imagine. "Don't ever want to fuck up." If I want to fuck up, I'm going to waste my time and ignore whats important, and my focus on getting better will be outweighed by my ability to fuck it up. Instead, I need to actively not want to ruin someone else's day.
So these finger waves were ruining my day. I had to do six of them in order to mark it down, and we were on our second day of them with about two hours of practice under my belt. And I still could not figure it out. So finally, the instructor said we were going to break. Everybody started leaving and I kept working on it. Karlo said "maybe you need to give yourself a break and take some time to come back to it." Now while there is merit in that thinking, I immediately quipped back "No I'm not going to let this beat me." And while they weren't even close to perfect, I got my six. And more importantly, I was able to commit something new to muscle memory.
I'm still terrified. There are going to be people who will inevitably be unhappy with what I can do for them, but I accept that. It humbles me and makes me know that I can get better.
Take away -
No matter the place, you can find beauty in everything. I was on my lunch walk, on the same path I've walked dozens of times before. But I stopped in a new spot and found this. Be well.