Cards to my chest

My anxiety has been acting up in the last week.  I'm at a  point where I want to start collaborating and making plans, but I realize that not everyone can be trusted to keep my plans secret. There's an uncomfortable duality in being excited about my plans, and not being able to share that excitement with others.

This is a new dynamic for me. Up until this point, collaboration was to make the team better as a whole. It was greatly encouraged because everybody's job was made easier through the collective effort. Now, I have to compete against others to ensure that a client comes to me instead of them, because that's going to be the only way to provide for Hailie and myself.

So my head has been filled with ideas that I have been stewing on for 10 months prior to coming to school, but if I tell the wrong person, there would be nothing stopping them from taking my marketing plans and strategic rollout out from under my feet. I want to be in a shop already so I can lighten that portion of the load.

Even this website has been a challenge. We had a specialty class last week where I was brought up for being unique in the way that I use websites and social media in comparison to other students. I have since been asked by other people how to set up a website to promote themselves. Part of me thinks "Hell yeah, they're recognizing me for doing something well and they are asking me as a person of knoweldge." But then the other part chimes in screaming "Screw them! They're taking ideas that you've  worked on, and they will use it to potentially take future clients away from you." 

This duality is difficult, especially with the trust issues I had coming into this. I've had coworkers backstab me in 3 of the last 4 jobs. I have very little reason to believe that others have positive intentions that go beyond three inches in front of their own face. With that said, I need to build a better understanding of the required comraderie.


Chris BentleyComment